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What did he tell you

[It'd be stupid for Riku to lie, knowing that Roxas is right here and can just tell her the truth. But better to check.]

a lot.

[ It really was a lot to take in. She's still thinking about all of it. But most of it doesn't need to be recounted, like the stuff in Castle Oblivion. Mostly, what's important is what happened to Roxas, right now. ]

he told me about what they did to you. about the fight, about the digital twilight town, your memory. all of it.

[Sounds like he covered it all. Roxas could push for more, make sure Riku didn't leave anything out about how he'd assisted with the worst thing that ever happened to him, but he'll trust that that's the case, because he doesn't really want to go through those details.

He doesn't really want to write about them, either.]

[He's messed around with these things some. He knows how to change from text to voice to video now. And it's weird to look at someone on a tiny screen, sure, but it's a little better than writing something down and having it just be words that barely mean anything.

He's quiet for a moment, not directly meeting her eyes after the connection is made.]

It felt real, when I was in there. All of it.

[ —Oh. Wow, she wasn't expecting him to want to talk through a video. She'd contacted him through text since it seemed to be the easiest way to talk, but she's not opposed to video at all. It's a lot easier for her, considering she's more used to face-to-face interactions with people anyway.

She assumes he means in the digital town, where they ... locked him up. It hurts to even think about. She can't imagine doing that to someone else herself. ]

Because of your memories ... right?

[ She would think that replacing them to fit with his new environment would lend to its realness. She's never been in a digital town herself though. ]

Yeah.

[He has the device set a little ways away, just that slight extra distance than he'd usually have while messing around on the network. Why, he doesn't know. It doesn't really make a difference if they're going to talk.]

I woke up thinking I lived there. That these kids from town were my best friends. [Like he doesn't know their names or feel a pang when he thinks of them. Hayner. Pence. Olette.] Everything about who I really was...was gone.

[Why is he telling her this? She's Riku's friend, and even if he wanted to mess that up as some kind of revenge, it wouldn't work. But it's been a couple of weeks now and he's lonely and she's the only one who knows what he is and has been nice to him and never took anything from him.]

[ Her expression is dim hearing that — very clearly sad, like it's difficult to listen to. She knows Riku contributed to this, and that hurts, but knowing him as a person and his feelings on the matter, she's not mad at him. All she can do is try to support her friends — and that includes Roxas — through all this.

She glances downward as she speaks. ]

That's ... wrong. That they did that to you. [ Shaking her head. ] They shouldn't have taken your memories.

[ She definitely wishes she knew about this at the time so she could've tried to find a better way.

She moves her free hand to her chest, thinking back on how she'd forgotten Sora before. She has a little bit of experience with the idea of losing memories, and she hates it. ] They're what make you who you are.

They were all I had.

[It's easier now, to keep going. One word after another.]

The only reason Nobodies can act like they feel something is because they remember what it was like when they did. I didn't even have that much. I didn't...I stopped being Sora when we were split in two, so the only memories I had were the ones I made myself. Three hundred and fifty-eight days of them.

[His shoulders slump.]

Guess that didn't matter to anyone but me.

[ Kairi doesn't know much about Nobodies — she hasn't had much exposure to them, like the others have. She's interested to know what he means by all that feeling something talk — he seems like he's feeling things to her. But this isn't the time to be asking about that, she thinks. ]

They weren't thinking of you. [ She sounds sad to say that. From what she can tell, they were wholly focused on Sora. Which ... well, she doesn't blame Riku for that part. She knows she would've been focused on him, too. But she also knows she wouldn't have gone as far as they did. ]

You've got all your memories back now, right?

[ She hopes? If he remembers how many days they were, hopefully he remembers all those days. ]

[They weren't. Even now, Roxas doesn't know if he should feel indignant about that or just accept it. It's not like anyone else ever had, except for one person.]

I think so. Not like I'd know if I didn't, right?

[It's...almost a joke, not that anyone could tell. Even Roxas can't crack half a smile.]

It started coming back to me before the end, before he woke up. [He rests his chin on one hand.] It was just me and him at the end.

[ Yeah, she's not laughing at that almost-joke at all ... She just feels sad hearing that. Especially when he refers to it as "the end". ]

The end? [ She really doesn't like that choice of words, and she can't help but say this. ] But ... it's not the end anymore, right? You're here, after all.

[ Your life is still continuing, Roxas. ]

For however long it lasts, yeah.

[He's still not completely sure how this world works—is anyone?—but one thing he quickly figured out is that imPorts can come and go with very little warning.]

Before...it was like I was asleep, most of the time. I wasn't gone. But I wasn't really me, either. I think I knew that was going to happen when I woke him up.

You can't think like that, Roxas. You're you now, so ... I think you should enjoy it.

[ Maybe her own thoughts on the matter don't help — it's not like she can personally understand how he feels or what he's going through. And she's a little too optimistic, thanks to her heart of pure light. But ... still. She's only trying to help. ]

You're not asleep, you're not Sora ... You're Roxas.

[A small, brief flash of hurt passes over his features, and he takes a moment before he replies, his voice still quiet and even.]

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. You've been really nice to me. And I know...it wasn't his fault.

[It's stating the obvious, but it's also a big admission.]

But I didn't choose to become part of my original self. That was decided for me. And when it happened, I lost almost all of myself. So yeah...it was an end, for me.

[ Oh ... She hadn't realized what she said would be taken negatively. Her heart drops a little into her stomach when she sees the hurt pass through him, and she hears what he has to say.

And her eyes flicker downward in sadness. ]

I didn't mean to ... [ Say something that could be taken that way. Or ... not understand how he feels. ] I'm sorry.

[ He said he wasn't trying to make her feel bad, and she believes him, but she feels bad anyway. Not just for saying the wrong thing, but mostly for how he's been treated and forced to live his life. ]

It's okay.

[She doesn't need to blame herself. He doesn't. And she doesn't need to feel guilty. All he needs is for her to understand. It's not dwelling on the past when that past is with him, every day, inescapable no matter what he does.

It's not her fault. It just is.]

Don't worry about it.

[He doubts that's going to happen, though.]

[ She's still going to worry about it (or rather, him), and maybe she truly doesn't understand what he's going through, but that doesn't change that she wants to be able to do something. She's spent so long doing nothing for the people important to her, and having someone suffering right in front of her and being able to do nothing for him? It hurts. She's just ... the type to want to help.

She appreciates that he said that, though. That he said all of this, really, but it does make her feel a little better to hear him say it was okay.

So she responds with a small nod. To show she understands. ]

Thank you, Roxas. [ A pause. ] For telling me all this. [ Glancing downward. ] I just ... I wish there was something I could do.

[Roxas doesn't know much about hearts, but he's pretty sure Kairi's must have an awful lot of light. No wonder Sora likes her so much.]

...thanks.

[Is that the right thing to say when someone wants to help, even if they haven't yet, or can't?]

Can't change the past, though. You were right about that. [That hadn't been what she meant, but...close enough.] I'll...figure things out here. Eventually.

[Probably.]

[ You'd be surprised how much light it has, Roxas.

And yeah that ... isn't exactly what she meant but. She's glad to hear him at least being marginally optimistic.

So she gives him a smile. ] Yeah. I know you will. [ She really does! ] If ... you need any help, just let me know, okay?

[ He can trust her!! She promises!! ]

I'll remember that.

[Whether he'll take her up on that...who can say? Not Roxas. But he does appreciate the gesture, truly.]

...thanks, Kairi.

Edited 2019-01-27 01:46 (UTC)

[ He can take her up on it or not, whatever he's comfortable with. She won't push it. She just wants him to know it's there.

And she keeps up her smile as he thanks her, feeling a bit warm because it's nice to hear him a bit less sad than before. And then she realizes something. ]

Oh — that's right. There was something else I needed to tell you. About Riku, and Sora, too.

[He's less sure he wants to hear this, but he'll listen. For now.]

Okay...what is it?

[ Well, she'll start with Riku. ]

After talking to Riku, I'm sure of it ... That he doesn't want to hurt you. [ She knew he wouldn't — Riku's a good person, for all he's rough around the edges at times. She trusts him. But ... ]

That ... might not make you feel better, but ... I thought you should know. Riku wouldn't lie to me about that.

[ She won't say anything about Riku wanting to apologize eventually — that's his job, and she won't overstep her bounds here. There are certain things that people need to say on their own. She also won't mention his willingness to do what he must, should things go sour. Sora seems totally fine to them, so he shouldn't have to do anything at all. And if that does come up, Kairi's here this time to intervene where she thinks it's necessary. So she'll leave it at what she's said. Because she knows Riku really doesn't want to do anything bad. ]

[He's quiet for a moment before answering as he figures out how he wants to answer. It's not all that surprising—that Riku would say it or that Kairi would believe it. But what does he believe?]

I didn't think he would. Unless he thought he had to.

[And Roxasis still pretty sure that if Riku thinks it's necessary, he will.

Well. He can try.]

[ Aaah ... Well, she can't say much about that. Except ... ]

Well ... I don't think that he thinks he has to.

[ For what it's worth. At least not right now. Sora's okay, and that's good enough. ]

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